Monthly Archives
June 2005

This section of the site will serve as a receptacle for assorted unintentionally amusing items collected online and off. Yes, a receptacle. Some of the items were collected many months or years ago, so go ahead and lower your expectations of timeliness.

Stop the Presses!

I know Google News is compiled by an automated script and everything, but it's still funny when something like this makes it onto the main page.

[June 27, 2005] [Link]

Vigilantes in the Infield

Many years ago, as I recall, the line "Whatever Bernie wants, Bernie Goetz" would intermittently pop into my head, awaiting the opportunity to slip it into conversation. But the chance never came, and I moved on.

Fast-forward to June, 2005. The Yankees trailing the Brewers by one run in the top of the ninth. Bernie Williams on first, nobody out. The hit-and-run is on, but not necessary, because Williams advances on a wild pitch by Nuke LaLoosh-esque Milwaukee closer Derrick Turnbow. For one reason or another, I have the game on with the sound off. And lo and behold, lightning in a bottle:

My understanding is that closed-captioners type everything phonetically, like court reporters, and there's some software that compares their output to a database of words and proper names and picks the most likely match. So I guess everyone's favorite subway gunman was still in the database after all these years.

Even better, the Yankees stranded Bernie, and lost.

[June 27, 2005] [Link]

If He Was Ousted, What's the Problem?

From a press release by the ChildCare Action Project, the folks who bring you those inimitable movie reviews.

[June 27, 2005] [Link]

Just In Case You Were Tempted To Try It

Is that clause at the end really necessary?

[June 27, 2005] [Link]

Hard Weather To Dress For

[June 27, 2005] [Link]

Jar Jar Comes Clean

I don't know, for some reason I just can't look at this headline without hearing it in the intolerable voice of Jar Jar Binks.

[June 27, 2005] [Link]


I think not.

[June 27, 2005] [Link]

Most Confusing Headline Ever

Seriously, I challenge you to come up with a more impenetrable headline. Ponder it for a moment, then click on the image to see what the article is actually about.

This guy seems to have noticed it too (scroll down to the next-to-bottommost entry).

[June 27, 2005] [Link]

Ads by Google...

...beverage by Fear Factor.

[June 27, 2005] [Link]

The End As I Know It: A Novel of Millennial Anxiety, by staggernation.com proprietor Kevin Shay, is now available in paperback.

Please visit kshay.com for more information.